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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a short while, but it strains our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me being her free crew. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend assisting her make content.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but at times it seems that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with another. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, altered, or posted for an viewers. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I want my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my version of living actively: noticing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, providing her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see the benefits the content we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not all people enjoys being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I would delete anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal videographer, but companions support one another in minor capacities. I thought filming a clip now and then would be fun for her. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects lively and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I value our friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She needs to honor Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some real memories, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been over-exposing their bond?